Stay alive
by Pink0dinky
Summary: End of mockingjay onto epilogue extension- Katniss and Peeta fight hard to come back into reality and move open from the past.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one- his return

I sit and stare out the window that looks over victors village, all I do theses days is sit and stare. But life seems so pointless, nothing to live for. Until I saw him. There he was kneeling down outside my house. I just froze, I had to blink serval times to realise he really was here. He had been away for months and now he returns and he is outside my house. I slowly rise from my chair and take small steps towards the window. I gently lower myself onto the ledge by the window and just gaze at him. It takes me minuets to realise what he is doing he Is planting some flowers. I think it is pointless their is no space for beautiful flowers in my mind. I do not deserve to be happy and to see nice things. Until it registers in my mind those flowers.

Primroses the flowers my sister was named after. Prim. I see her in the flowers, I stare straight without blinking. I do not cry I don't think their are any tears left. I seem to be shaking, my mind picks up memory's of a tiny little girl with a pink floral dress on stroking a goat. Caring for it like the healer she always was.

"Katniss?" These worst shake me I was so lost in my thoughts I forgot he was their! "Katniss?" I look up to see he has rose to his feet and looks at me straight in the eye. I don't even notice I'm running up the stairs a million miles per hour up to my bedroom. I crave a small space it hid and I spot my wardrobe. I rip the cloths of the hangers and kick away the neatly folded shirts from my wardrobe. I sit and shake and hope he does not find me.

"Katniss" I freeze, his voice sends shivers down my spine. He slowly open the door the second he sees me he stops dead in his tracks. We have a short staring contest for a few seconds. I search for the ocean blue in his eyes, I search for the boy I once knew. I want to scream because I feel bad, guilty it's my fault he was torched damaged beyond repair. I want to apologise but I haven't spoken in months and I know speech won't leave my tongue. I hesitate as Peeta lifts me up out of the wardrobe. He cradles me like a baby in his arms. I can feel the security in his arms i remember the sweet, kind boy he was. Was. The thought scares me he is a mutt, a torched one and he wants to kill me. I try and scream but my voice is long gone. I thrash around in his arms but he won't let me out his arms. He opens the bedcovers to my bed and takes off my shoes he ignores the face I'm thrashing around and hitting him. He gently places the covers over me and whispers into my " I'm sorry" He pulls the covers up to my chin and whispers "sweet dreams" he leaves without another word. Sorry? Sorry for what? I dismiss the thought. It takes me time to realise that just happened but the events of today have tired me out so I close my eyes and let the nightmares in.

I wake up at 5:32Am I'm sweating and screaming. My throat is burnIng from screaming. I struggle to catch my breath. I had a dream that it was the 74 reaping again and Prim's name was called but I could speak i couldn't volunteer I had lost my voice, I was invisible and Prim had to go through the whole hunger games and she was killed by clove at the feast. Cut into pieces like she was meat. And clove's smile still haunts me.

I drag my feet over the side of the bed and rise a little to quickly, the room is spinning before me and I collapse back onto the bed. I wait a for a bit until my mind goes straight. I rise once again and safely make it to the bathroom. TI step into the shower and stand their for an hour why the warm raindrops spin down my hair and onto my body. Once I'm out the shower I dry off and put on a pair of plain black trousers and a comfy cashmere jumper my mother send from district four.

I slowly descend down the stairs and return to the chair I have been sitting on for the last few months. Greasy sae enters with twos loafs in her hands. She places them on the counter and starts frying me a egg. I'm so busy lost in my mind I don't notice Greasy sae speak. " that boy makes the best bread lucky he's back." She pauses for a little while "have you seem him?" She gives me a questioning look. I pretend that I didn't hear to avoid the questions. She raises one eyebrow and gets back to her cooking.

After I have have my breakfast sae cleans up and leaves. While I get back to doing what I do best these days sitting in the same wooden rocking chair and staring out the same window. I sit their for maybe four hours when I hear a knock on the door. At first I ignore it but this person continues to know so I trudge down the hallway and open the door. I open the door to see nobody, I turn my head from side to side but nobody seems to be here. I am about to slam the door shut in anger when I notice a pale green tin siting before me with a note on top. I quickly pick the tin and note and slam the door closed. I go back to the rocking chair with the tin in hand and decide to open the letter first

Katniss,

I know your favourite colour is green. I know you love cheese buns.

I know you probably don't want to see me by maybe we could meet up sometime?

-Peeta

My mind is burning with emotions. Is he better? Can I trust him? I discard these thoughts and return to the tin. I gently tug on the lid, and it reveals four perfect cheese buns. His memory must be returning but I still don't know whether to trust him. But I can't resist these cheese buns, I pick one up and take a huge bite and cram as much in as possible. The taste is divine I just want to eat theses all day. The taste reminds me of when Peeta and me were working on the family plant book. I would write he would draw. He would bring fresh cheese buns. Now seeing four cheese buns makes me sad and I start to sob.

I must have fallen asleep the sobbing tired me out. The night sky is dark with the crystal white stars peeking out. I see Peeta's lights are still on in his kitchen maybe he is making bread. I suddenly get very curious and I think it's time I went to speak to him. Tomorrow though and I head up to bed to relax.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two- say it

I fall off my bed in thud. I had a nightmare that I was in the quarter quell once again and I couldn't carry Peeta but Finnick wasn't their to help. I gave up left Peeta. The worst part the bit that tore me was that I could even think of leaving Peeta. Defenceless against the poison gas coming for him.

I slowly stand up off the cold wooden floors and head to the bathroom. I cup my hands and gather cold water in my cupped hand and splash it over my face. The cool water gives me a second of shock. I grab a towel and dry off my face and stare at the reflection in the mirror. I see the small scar along the side of my cheek. I remember how the flames licked me, I remember the excruciating pain but no of the flames but watching my sister burn to bits right in front of me.I shake me head and try to clear the thought. I change and do my classic braid then head down stairs. On the counter there is a little cupcake with little pink flowers frosted around the top. With a small note neatly folded under the cake. It says

Walk? nine-ish?

-Peeta x

The kiss almost makes me drop the cake I'm holding, are we friends. Enemies. Lovers. Allies. Tributes. Couple. The things is I don't know if we will ever know and on this walk I'm determined to find out!

It's around half eight and the walk is at nine. I quickly scoff down some bread and butter and a cup of tea. After my quick breakfast I run up stairs to grab my fathers leather hunting jacket. I dash downstairs and slip on my boots. I open the door and I see him looks like he was just about to knock. He looks a little startled at first but then greets me with one oh his huge smiles. I give him a little one back. "Shall we, ladies first" he says in a sarcastic posh voice, I just give a quiet shy laugh. Our walk starts off by leading into town. The conversation is pretty boring and pointless until he asks "can we play a game?"

"What type of game?" I ask a little confused

" real or not real" I stop and don't know if I want to play this game but if it's what Peeta wants to do. " yes if you want to"

We continue our walk and then he starts asking. "Did we continue a plant book when you were ill?"

" real"

" I did the drawings and you did the writing?"

"Real"

"You stared at me when I was working on the drawings?"

"Real" I say quietly. I can tell a blush is crawling up my cheeks but he sees and laugh quietly. There's a question burning in my mind before I can stop myself I blurt it out "Why did you come back Peeta?" I say innocently. When he doesn't anwser immediately I add "I mean you could have gone anywhere why 12?" He stops and turns to look at me " I came back because ... Umm well I wanted to see how Haymitch was doing and not drunk in a ditch but most importantly I came back because of you katniss. I still love you katniss I know we have been through hell and back again but I still love you. And I always will." I can see the blush on his cheeks. My heart melts he's so kind, sweet and lovely. He's always loved me and I think I might have loved him for a short while at least. "Peeta, thank you. You don't deserve me. You deserve someone that makes you happy and can care for you" I say honestly, I can tell he's about to protest so I give him a light kiss on his cheeks a wave goodbye . I slowly walk up the path to victors village when I hear him shout "katniss, one last question"

"Yeah"

He takes a deep breath before saying "You love me real or not real?"

I know the answer in my head but I know i can say it I know I can"real" I said it! I quickly turn around and start running I keep running till I reach my house. I didn't look back once. I'm so angry with myself for saying that getting his hopes up, I am I no state to be in a relationship.

I kick off my boots and sling my jacket onto the back of the rocking chair. I see sae has been in because my house is cleaner and a bowl of rabbit stew is waiting for me. I sit at the table and manage half a bowl of stew. After my late lunch I decide to get the family plant book out. It takes me a good half an hour searching for it but I find it under my bed.

I slouch down on the sofa and start reading. I turn each page with care it is getting pretty old now. The first half off the book is by my father he was a very good artist like Peeta. The next quarter or so is by me and Peeta I remember this all so carefully. It seems like a lifetime ago we did this but I was a year ago. I had so much more a year ago. Friends,family, an unharmed body and Prim. I brush the though from my mind else I know it will make me cry. The book becomes all to much for me and I end up throwing it on the floor soon sobs break out like I had guessed and I lie paralysed on the sofa. It's noon by now I'm half asleep but I hear the door shut. "Katniss?" I recognise the voice it's Peeta's. He obviously can find me. I let out a mumble so maybe he can detected me. He finally finds me and looks at me and gives me a sad smile. I can tell my eyes are red and puffy and tears stained my cheeks. He gently lifts me and carries me upstairs to my bedroom. He tucks me into my bed and moves the hair from my eyes. He gives me and kiss on the forehead with relaxes me and let's me know I'm completely save and whispers "sweet dreams" dreams. Haven't had a dream in ages all I have had is nightmares! Then I know what's coming to night I'm so existed I can't face them alone. I grab Peeta's hand and say in quiet but clear voice "stay, please" I pat to the other side of my bed and say " I can't face them alone again" I can tell he understands. So he agrees and gently slides in next to me. He whispers into my ear "always" a smile plants on my face. He wraps his two solid arms around me and I know I'm safe.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 -Safe

I wake up feeling happy and refreshed I didn't have a nightmare last night. The sun beams through a gap in the curtain and I give a happy sigh. I am about to get out of bed when I remember the two strong arms around me. Peeta and I have barley spoke since he's returned but were sharing a bed. I guess we did that more or less on the victory tour.

I stare out the gap of the curtain. I listen to the birds singing sweet no long before I hear Peeta begin to stir, I panic a little whether i should be awake or asleep. I decide on asleep, so I quickly shut my eyes and do my best to pretend to be asleep. I hear Peeta give his morning sigh and then he chuckles. "Katniss I know you not asleep!" I give a sigh " fine, fine! How did you know?"

"You don't scowl when your asleep" he chuckles, I grab a pillow and throw it at him. We both fall in to puddles of giggles. "I should probably go hunting" " I should probably get baking" we both let out a exhausted sigh until Peeta asks "why don't we go for a picnic?" " umm ok!" And I let a smile forms on my face and he returns one.i climb out of bed and we both get ready for our picnic. He rushes back to his house to prepaid the food. And I have a quick piece of toast and rush to meet Peeta outside his house. We start to walk down the narrow track down victors village towards. Peeta leads the way and I follow closely behind. We don't say anything but sometimes silence is nice and this was. It was peaceful. We soon arrived at the woods. "So where's the best spot for a picnic?" Peeta asks me. I wreck my brain for a special place where I could take him. Until I remember the place. "Peeta it is a long walk through the woods but it's worth it, do you want to go their?" I worry with his leg that it may be hard for him but he so up for it that he is already off. I take the lead and after an hour we have arrived. Peeta takes a minute to catch his breath but the second he sees where we are all he can make out is "wow!" I have taken him to the lake. The place I only ever shared with my father. And now I know it will be my and Peeta's special place.

I lay the picnic mat out and setting up the food once Peeta has taken in the scenery He starts to help we have finished setting out the picnic i lay down on my back, shut my eyes and feel the hot, blazing sun on my cheeks. Peeta comes and joins me. "Two years ago we were reaped and showed on a train for slaughter" Peeta announces . I'm so startled by how much I had lost in such a sort space of time. The amount of pain and hell I have been through. But I can't help thinking the hell Peeta's been through. He has lost his whole family, is memory, his leg and been hijacked. Plus torched, I just feel so guilty amuse it is pretty much all my fault. I turn to my side so I'm facing Peeta. I start slowly "Peeta" he turns to face me "I just want to say I'm sorry. It's all my fault and I ju.." I burst into tears and Peeta wipes them away. "Shhh" he murmurs "katniss'so none of this is your fault, it's as much mine as yours." We whispers. "But it is i mean you would'nt have been torched, your family wouldn't been dead. Your wouldn't have had the lost you good memor..." I can't finish my sentence because his lips have crashed into mine. He's kissing me gently. It take me a second to relise I want him to kiss. I feel the hot fuzzy feeling I felt in the cave and on the beach. I just keeping kissing him. I don't know how long I was kissing him it hours but must have been a minute or so. We have to pull apart to breath and we let our foreheads touch.i open my eyes to see Peeta's huge smile and his eyes looking down at me. the sun on my back, the kiss, the lake and Peeta all these things make me happy. "So are we going to go in this lake or not? I believe someone started teaching me how to swim until we were rudely interrupted but the game makers!" He says with sarcasm. "Luckily you have a great teacher" I say. "I'm am very lucky" I take off our jumpers and don't bother to take off anything else, it's soo hot we just want to get in. The lake is crystal blue along the edges it is filled with wild Lily's and lots off of other wild lake flowers. I take Peeta's hand and walk slowly into the water watching my step.I take a big step and land into the water. The water is surprisingly warm and I lay on my back in a star position and stare up to the sky. I sit up to watch Peeta come and join me.

I teach him to swim for about an hour until I start to feel cold. We both clamber out the water helping each other. We lay down on the tartan mat. I have this burning to ask him a question " Peeta when snow took you away from me" I pause to she his reaction, he nods but I can see his fist tense a little. I continue tho " before you were hijacked what kept you going?" I sighs and then a small sad smile creeps up along his face. "The thing that kept me going was my memory's of you" I get taken a step back because I was just the same as me,the memories of his good past kept me going while I was in thirteen. But the true thing that kept me going was the little pearl Peeta gave to me on the beach in the quell.

I close my eyes and think about the good times in the past two years their was not many but a few. I must have fallen asleep because as I open my eyes the trees above my are blurred, my eyes are cloudy and dry. "Hey" says Peeta. "Hey, how long was I asleep?" I ask "and hour or two". "Why did you let me sleep so long?" I asked a little confused. He smiles and replies "because you looked as though you were having a good dream instead of a nightmare" I smile because I think of how kind and considerate he Is. I give him a kiss on the cheek "thank you." "No problem" I can feel the blush creep down my face and onto my neck. I can tell he see's it but he give a faint chuckle. I grab a stick and play with the dirt for a bit, drawing pictures and writing my name. I do this for a while until Peeta says "did you know when snow had me I had dreams about you dying and I would wake up sweating,screaming and worrying about you. Even know I was hijacked" I am shocked by this I don't know what to say I don't. I just send my lips crashing into his. I can feel his lips melt into mine. I love the sensation of the hot, fuzziness. Our tongues dance in our mouths. He collapses onto the mat but my lips follow. I am laying on top of him, I feel his hands on the back of my neck and I gently pull away, I open my eye and take in the scenery, the moment and Peeta. I adjust so I'm lying in his arm and we look up at the clouds. "Katniss" Peeta whispers into my ear. "Umm" I reply "I love you" I let and smile form as the words tickle my ear. "I think I might just love you to" i whisper back into his ear. He chuckles lightly and I kiss his cheek.

I had fallen asleep because when I open my eyes I am greeted but a beautiful sunset. Peeta sleeping in the mat, he looks so peaceful and happy but I want him to see this sunset. I gently shake his shoulder and whisper into his ear "Peeta, peeta" his eyes start to flutter open and he stare into my eyes and smiles. I pull him up and show him the sunset."it's wonderful, thank you for waking me." He give me a long kiss on the lips. "We should probably get going I announce. We start to gather up our stuff and make our way home.


End file.
